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Free to Forgive: The Healing of Conflict An introductory no-fee LearnWell course for everyone everywhere, especially those in need, underprivileged or imprisoned.
This course is free and is designed to spread forgiveness to all people around the globe. It is provided free for all, and especially for individuals in Asia, Africa and Latin America who have no access to US funds. Also, if you have friends or family members in prison, you may print out this page and the test page linked at the bottom, have them study them, complete the tests on paper, and submit them online to receive the certificates. Anyone who comes to this page is welcome to study it, take the test linked at the end, and receive an online certificate. Read all instructions carefully. For this course, LearnWell asks for your feedback.Welcome to this 3-contact-hour Continuing Education course with instant online processing and certification 24/7. Study the course below, take the 12-question multiple-choice test, register and pay $9 online. If you score 75% or above, you may print your CE certificate on your printer as soon as you finish. If you have difficulty printing your certificate, click here.. You may retake the test once.
1. Healing Forgiveness Forgiveness is the dealing with another person's offense in a helpful manner. One definition of therapeutic forgiveness is then the handling of another person's inappropriate and harmful deeds in such a way so that it helps the forgiver (the person who forgives, the injured party) find healing and wellness. What is your definition? Paul Coleman defines forgiveness as the decision to offer love to someone who has betrayed that love. Robert D. Enright and Joanna North define forgiveness as giving up resentment and vengeance and fostering compassion on the inflictor of pain. Claire Frazier-Yzaguirre wrote: "When we forgive, we free ourselves from the bitter ties that bind us to the one who hurt us." "Forgiveness is the key that can unshackle us from a past that will not rest in the grave of things over and done with. As long as our minds are captive to the memory of having been wronged, they are not free to wish for reconciliation with the one who wronged us." Lewis B. Smedes Forgiveness is something nearly all Americans want -- 94% surveyed in a nationwide Gallup poll said it was important to forgive -- but only 48% said they usually tried to forgive others.
2. Forgiving Individuals The five steps in granting the gift of forgiveness to others (according to R. Klimes, PhD) are:
The rejection of forgiveness: A. Anger, the deep displeasure caused by a sense of injury or wrong, if not checked, can lead to sickness, conflicts or violence. B. Revenge or a defensive attitude on the part of the wrong-doer makes forgiveness very difficult. Thus the process never goes beyond the 2nd step. Some people who have been deeply hurt in life develop a negative addiction, a chronic negative attitude expressed in frequent anger, rejection and suspicion.
3. Forgiving Groups Group forgiveness can deal with nations, enemies, harming groups, prejudice or quarrels. The above five steps apply but need to be applied to groups rather than individuals. The following research projects deal with group forgiveness: "Is There a Role for Forgiveness & Spirituality in Coping with Combat
Trauma?" "Truth & Forgiveness in South Africa: A Multidisciplinary Approach" "Forgiveness & the Reduction of Intergroup Conflict" "Forgiveness from Evolutionary & Cross-cultural Perspective"
4. Forgiving God "Forgive God? How absurd! The very idea may seem ridiculous, even offensive to some people. However, Jeremiah and other prophets can be cited as examples of powerful spiritual personalities who have held a temporary resentment toward God for the judgments He brought down because of the sins and evils committed by His chosen people, Israel and Judah. The punishments often seemed worse than the crime, in their eyes. Truly, forgiving God is never necessary, and yet ... have you had some residue, deep inside, of a secret resentment, even a hatred against God for the situations you find yourself in throughout your life? Or perhaps a loved one or an innocent stranger, perhaps a child, has suffered horribly, all because God did not rescue them or prevent evil from happening. Even after we understand God’s message that Christ has saved us from the foundation of the world, there is often some lingering resentment about evil in the world, evil we have suffered, evil our loved ones have suffered, evil our neighbors have suffered, evil from nature (that we label as “acts of God”) and the evils that the innocent in the world suffer. There are billions of such people who endure lives of constant suffering without cause. They suffer — every hour — of every day — without relief — for their entire lives. Should we forgive God? Perhaps. Must we forgive God? No. But if it helps reconcile you to God and gives you peace, then feel free to do so. That is what Paul meant. We should be willing to forgive God for the evil He is responsible for allowing. God desires your love now. God’s love is unconditional and patient. If necessary He will wait for your love later when you understand the full knowledge of God and the full scope of His love and provision for you and all creation." Source: http://askelm.com/doctrine/d031002.htm
5. Forgiving Self We often blame ourselves for things we have done or have experiences. We feel guilty and need forgiveness. The four steps in forgiving yourself (according to J. Messina, http://www.coping.org/growth/guilt.htm#steps) are:
6. Asking for Forgiveness The offender's five steps in asking for the gift of forgiveness (according to R. Klimes, PhD) are:
Without these steps, there usually cannot be forgiveness and reconciliation. The results of a broken relationship that has not been healed are often bitterness, blaming, continuation of harm and vengeance, increasing insensitivity, estrangement, hating and acts of violence. The offender, that is the person who has caused the hurt, may not have a direct part in the initial forgiveness that the forgiver experiences. His part comes in the next level which is reconciliation. Reconciliation is not always possible.
7. Being Forgiven One of the greatest freedoms that we can gain is the freedom from harm and guilt. We cannot escape the harm around us and the guilt for contributing in a small or large way to that harm. But we can be forgiven and that forgiveness can free us from some of the consequences of that harm. In many cases, when we offend, we can contact that person or group and seek their forgiveness. But there are many cases where that is not possible or where the offended individuals or group refuses to forgive. All our offenses and harmful actions are not only against individuals or groups, but also against God. In harming, we violate relationships with others and with God. God forgives those that sincerely seek his forgiveness and turn from their harmful ways.
8. Forgiveness in Context Forgiveness is best understood in the context of related activities. Sometimes forgiveness may be associated with one or more of the below activities, but it is a separate act.
For many, forgiveness and reconciliation are fully interwoven. Michelle Nelson in Beverly Flanigan's Exploring Forgiveness suggests three degrees of forgiveness, namely 1. Detached Forgiveness (a reduction of negative feelings), 2. Limited Forgiveness (with a partial restoration of relationship), and 3. Full Forgiveness (with full reconciliation). Another way to categorize forgiveness, suggested by Klimes is with the ABCs of Forgiveness as A) Attitude of Forgiveness that deals mainly with the attitude of the forgiver (love without revenge), not the actions of the offender, B) Basic Forgiveness that includes reconciliation, and C) Consequential Forgiveness or pardoning that deals with the offender making restitution or the forgiver paying for or erasing the consequences of the damaging behavior (Not all forgiveness is consequential: a forgiven alcoholic may still die of cirrhosis of the liver). There cannot be Consequential Forgiveness without Basic Forgiveness. This website deals with Basic Forgiveness. Explore case studies in forgiveness: http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb941/page6.html http://www.intouch.org/myintouch/exploring/studies/EFSG_92329.html Go to www.bibled.org and www.forgiver.net and further explore the subject of forgiveness.
9.Cognitive, Emotional and Spiritual Forgiveness The following is based on a chapter by Richard Fitzgibbons, MD, in Exploring Forgiveness, (ISBN 0-299-15770-9), pp 65-67, Some individuals will go through all 3 levels, others only through some of them. A. In cognitive forgiveness, victims study their pain and make a conscious decision to forgive. They may follow the 5 Steps of Forgiveness in order to continue a relationship. B. In emotional forgiveness, the victims feels with the offender's struggle and develops some empathy for him or her. This often takes time. They may follow the 5 Steps of Forgiveness because they feel the offenders pain. C.
Spiritual forgiveness utilizes an approach similar to that used in the 12 steps
of Alcoholics Anonymous. Victims may follow the 5 Steps of Forgiveness because
they cannot let go on their own. They may utilize phrases such as:
The 5 Steps in Forgiveness according to
Ephesians 4:31-32:
Thoughts from Nancy Miller: True forgiveness isn't me self-righteously looking down at you and saying "I forgive you" while I'm thinking "you can't help being the jerk or stupid idiot that you are." It is letting God deal with the problem and the person. It is saying "I forgive you and I will always forgive you for it is not for me to stress over. I love you because God has given me this love and I will not let resentment damage my relationship with you or God." Forgiveness is an outgrowth of unconditional love. Donald Barnhouse writes: "To see God in all things, both good and evil, enables us to forgive those who injure us. It does not incline us to condone their fault, for they act as freely as if God had no part at all. But we can forgive and pray for them, as slaves to their own passions, enemies to their own welfare and real, though unwitting, benefactors to our souls." Karl Menninger, the famed psychiatrist, once said that if he could convince the patients in psychiatric hospitals that their sins were forgiven, 75 percent of them could walk out the next day! One of the best studies on spiritual forgiveness concerns the Prodigal Son, found in Luke 15:11-32. In accepting God's love humbly, the father in the story also took on God's forgiveness and then just naturally reflected that attitude of forgiveness to his prodigal son.
10. Forgiveness Research ERIC_NO: ED273893, A Model of Forgiveness:
Theory Formulations and Research Implications. By Johnson, Karen
Alexandria, 1986 The four stages of forgiveness are awareness, change, interaction, and reconciliation. Movement through the stages is made by four consecutive decisions and can be viewed from either the victim's or the offender's perspective. The four decisions relate to judgment, vulnerability, intimacy, and trust-building. The first stage of awareness requires a decision of judgment about the violation that occurred. In the second stage, the person who is aware of the violation and its effects on the relationship decides whether to take steps to change the relationship. If the decision is made to undo negative effects, the person can move on to stage three where internal processes become dyadic processes. The decision to be intimate is the basis of this interaction stage. After all three decisions have been made constructively for forgiveness, the decision of trust-building can be made and the fourth stage, reconciliation, can occur. If, at stage two, a decision is made not to acknowledge or deal with the violation, a course of false forgiveness is taken, involving the four stages of denial, superficial acceptance, continued hurt, and deterioration of the relationship. ERIC_NO: ED408536, Receiving Forgiveness as
an Exercise in Moral Education. By Gassin, Elizabeth A., 1997 To test the effects of forgiveness, 205 college students from a small, church-affiliated four-year liberal arts college completed instruments that measured forgiveness, self-esteem, social desirability, and religious style. Results indicate that correlations between forgiveness outcomes and demographic variables were weak. The most interesting correlation between forgiveness outcomes and relationship variables involved the perceived quality of forgiveness offered, the nature of the relationship before the offense, and the degree of pain caused, suggesting that offering forgiveness in a manner that is loving and un-coercive is important if one wants to induce positive change in the offender and the relationship. ERIC_NO: ED310333, Forgiveness as a
Psychological Antecedent of Perceived Parental Nurturance. By Buri, John
R; And Others, 1989 In this study, college students (N=111) were asked to assess the nurturance they had received from their mothers and their fathers using a Likert scale. Scale items included "I am an important person in my mother's eyes;" "My mother expresses her warmth and affection for me;" and "My mother is generally cold and removed when I am with her." The parents of the student participants responded to a forced-choice forgiveness scale with items such as "I am a very forgiving person, ready and willing to forgive anyone who has wronged me." The results suggest a strong relationship between self-reported forgiveness by parents and the degree of parental nurturance reported by their adolescent children. Mothers and fathers who reported the least level of forgiveness were appraised as having rendered significantly less nurturance than other parents. (Source for all abstracts www.eric.ed.gov )
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