|
Forgiving Attitude:
A Way of Relating
| Course Number |
LWF401 |
| Objectives |
At the end of this course, you will
1. understand the basics of a forgiving attitude, 2. describe the 5
aspects of a forgiving attitude from a social/spiritual perspective. |
| Credit Hours and Fee |
3.0 CE Credit Hours with a fee of $24.00 |
| Instructor |
Rudolf Klimes, PhD (Indiana University), MPH
(Johns Hopkins University);
Adjunct Professor at Folsom Lake
College, Folsom CA. |
LearnWell Forgiveness Institute:
www.forgiver.net
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to this
3-contact-hour Continuing Education course with instant online processing and
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You may retake the test once.
Five
Steps in Forgiveness (A-E)
When things get messed up, forgiveness is needed. When I drop
a dirty piece of firewood on the kitchen floor, the floor then needs cleaning.
My wife's scolding will not clean it. But her offer to hold the dust-pan makes
my job easier. We thus share the pain.
The
five steps in granting the gift of forgiveness (according to R. Klimes, PhD)
are:
A. Acknowledge the anger and hurt
caused by the clearly identified specific offense(s).
B. Bar revenge and any thought of inflicting harm as repayment or
punishment to the
offender.
C. Consider the offender's perspective. Try to understand his/her
attitude and behavior.
D. Decide to accept
the hurt without unloading it on the offender. Passing it back and forth
magnifies it.
E. Extend good will to the offender. That releases the
offended from the offense.
The 5 basics of a forgiving attitude,
based on the story in Matthew 18:21-35 are:
A. Acknowledge the pain when someone (your brother) offends you (sins against
you).
B. In response you may be unforgiving, forgiving within limitations (1-7x), or
have a forgiving attitude (1-490x).
C. This forgiving attitude is born of mercy and compassion toward the offender.
D. The forgiver accepts the hurt and debt. He forgives and sometimes
pardons the debt.
D. The forgiver forgives and gives love deep from the heart.
A.
Acknowledge the Pain of the Offense
Matthew
18:21. Peter asks: "How often shall my brother sin again me?" How
often shall he wrong me? How often must I get hurt? How long do I have to put up
with this?
There
are sins against God and sins against people. Jesus and Peter in Matthew 18:
15-18 discussed how to deal with sins in a brother. The offenses against someone
that it talks about here are not slights and trifles, but real sins. They hurt
people, and the hurt is very real. The Ten Commandments describe the six main
social sins in Exodus 20: 12-17 as disrespect to parents, murder, adultery,
stealing, lying, and jealousy.
The
Jews of old saw sin as a debt to God. Sin is pain to all involved, the offender,
the forgiver and God. A forgiving attitude makes the healing of pain easier for
all. God has that forgiving attitude, and so can we. Good things usher in joy,
bad things bring on pain. And pain separates people. Offenses divide people.
They no longer feel comfortable together.
The
offender causes pain, the forgiver receives that pain. If there is no
forgiveness, the pain just bounces endlessly between the two, multiplying as
time goes on.
B.
Forgive as a Habit
Matthew 18:22. Jesus answered: "Not up to 7 times,
but up to 70 times 7." Don't keep track of forgiveness, just do it. Without
limits. Beyond all that is humanly reasonable. The Jews of that time considered
forgiving 3 times just right. Peter thought he was very kind to raise it to 7.
There are three options: Not to forgive and have the wrong
"eat away" on you. Or to forgive in a limited way and keep track of the wrongs of the other. Or
choose to forgiveness as habit, a way of life, as a healing attitude that takes
care of the problem.
A habitual forgiver does not think of revenge, does not resents
others, does not remember the evil others do to him with anger or bad feelings.
However, the forgiver will learn his lessons and keep his distance from offenders that do
not change their ways. But that will not stop him from forgiving
them.
The offender is still accountable for his offenses and sin.
There is a price to pay by someone. It may seem unfair that someone else pays,
but in reality the offender never can make up for his evil. Only God can.
C.
Think with Compassion
Matthew
18: 23-27, "The offender asked for time to repay. He made no excuses. The
master knew that the offender could not repay the debt, he felt compassion."
The
offender acknowledged the harm he had done, he recognized his debt. He did not
deserve a canceling of his debt. And he was willing to repay. But an offense
cannot be erased by an offender, the clock cannot be turned back. The offender
cannot heal himself. The penalty remains.
But
the forgiver can bring healing to the situation and to the offender by taking on
the debt. Not willing to see the offender destroyed, the forgiver looks on him
with compassion and helps.
Focus
on God and His forgiveness, not on the evil of the offender. Keep God in mind
and ask Him for the compassion that heals.
D.
Accept the Hurt and Debt
Matthew 18:27, "The master forgave him his debt of some
10 million dollars."
In the story, the master is out 10 million dollars. (If I
lend you $10 and then cancel the debt, I am out $10.) The forgiver loses all
that money, because he no longer can collect it. He has written it off as a bad
debt. The forgiver takes on the load. The forgiver extends a pardon to the
offender and erases the consequences of his evil actions. But not every
forgiveness is coupled with pardoning, often the consequences remain and have to
be shared by the forgiver and the offender.
The master accepts the pain and loss because he has
compassion on the offender. That is pretty big compassion. Forgiveness is a
gift, a very big gift.
While the forgiver accepts the pain of the offender, he does
not hang on to it but passes it on to God who takes it all. In the end, God
repays his loss many times over.
E.
Forgive from your Heart
Matthew 18: 25-35, "While this offender is forgiven 10
million dollars, he is not willing to forgive someone who owes him $100. He is
asked to learn forgiveness from the heart."
Forgiving with the mind only does not make sense. It seems
like bad business, a real loss. Forgiving because you have to forgive just
builds more resentment and anger. Someone is getting by with murder. But when
the forgiveness is from the forgivers heart, the forgiver is freed.
Recognizing that I am forgiven so much, I feel free to
forgive the relatively little offenses against me. Doing so on an easy and
habitual basis develops in me the attitude of forgiveness. Since I am forgiven
so much by God and others on a constant basis, I can also forgive without
counting how many times someone offended me.
Because I am forgiven lavishly and healed, I forgive and
become an agent of healing. I get forgiveness from the heart of God. And then I
give forgiveness from the heart.
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